Pull quote: “Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is the power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”

—E. C. McKenzie

She held the cell phone in her trembling hand, not wanting to read the text message that had just come in. But she’d provoked it.

She’d waited a month for his return—the last week sheer torture. When he’d called the previous day to say he was back in town, her heart had skipped a beat. He’d been back for four days, it turned out, but hadn’t contacted her till then. They’d made small talk and laughed, but when she asked when she’d see him, he’d been evasive.

Today she had to know what was on his mind, so she’d sent him a message, asking just that.

His reply was everything she’d feared. He wasn’t coming back to her. He’d made up his mind.

How could she have made the same mistake again? How could she have forgotten so quickly? No, this wasn’t the first time. There had been other men. Each time she’d told herself that this one was different, this one was special, this time it was going to work out. But each relationship had ended like the others, with a short, insensitive phone call or note. This one ended with, “Can we still be friends?” What nerve!

She’d had a premonition that this was going to happen—God trying to prepare her heart for the decision He knew her lover had already made. She’d tried to reason with God then. Now she argued her case. She didn’t want it this way. She didn’t deserve this.

She went to bed early, hoping to be able to go to sleep and forget it all. But as she tossed and turned, memories of the happy times they’d shared appeared like snapshots in her mind—snapshots of them smiling, happy, laughing, together. Now each memory was more painful than the one before. This was what she had lost! How could she ever forget how he’d hurt her?

She would become unfeeling—yes, that was how! She would give up on everyone. She would turn her heart to stone.

That seemed like such a good idea at first, but did she really want to go through life like that?

Still unable to sleep, she propped herself up by her computer and began scrolling through the titles in her digital library. Was it coincidence that the first title her eye fell on was “Bitterness or Forgiveness”?

Part of her screamed, Don’t open it! Another part of her whispered, It will set you free.

She opened it and began to read. She’d read it before, but this time the words sparkled with new meaning.

She read about people who had been through far worse things than she had—women who’d suffered the worst kinds of abuse, parents who’d lost children in senseless accidents or crimes, families torn apart by war—yet each had learned to forgive.

An hour passed, then another, and as she read, she realized that much of the hurt in her past was because she’d allowed relationships gone bad to make her bitter.

In those two hours her circumstances hadn’t changed at all, but she was different. Renewed … almost. She knew there was one more thing that she needed to do.

She opened a new email on her computer. On that blank page her healing process would begin. She would deal with this problem then and there—and not with vengeance, but with real love. She began to type.

“I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t upset by your decision, but I know that healing starts with writing you about the decisions that I’ve made, too. I prayed and asked God to help me see our time together and our parting as He does, and I realize now that He wants to use both to help me grow. I also know that my initial reaction to your decision was wrong because it wasn’t loving. ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs’ (1Corinthians 13:4–5 NIV).

“In the past I’ve kept a lot of ‘records of wrongs’ in my heart—’That person did this to me,’ ‘That one did that,’ ‘That one hurt me again’—and after your message I was about to add some more. Now I see how that would only be hurting myself.

“I learned tonight that God doesn’t necessarily erase bad memories, but He reframes them so that they are no longer significant factors in how we feel, think, or act. Now I want to be more concerned about your happiness than my own. Now I want to forgive so I can find out what it means to be truly free from bitterness, and I came across a quote tonight that I think will help me do just that: ‘To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.’

“Will you forgive me and accept my forgiveness? And yes, we can still be friends—better friends for having been through all this together.”

Then she took the final step and hit the “send” key. Off the letter went, and with it the pain and the bitter feelings. The prisoner was set free.

This is a true story. I should know, because that prisoner was me.

Nyx Martinez is a member of the Family International in the Philippines.